Those Words given by My Parent That Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the truth soon became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to open up amongst men, who still hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a break - taking a few days overseas, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor actions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - looking after you is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."