Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Late-night's prominent entertainers spent their airtime mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys all he touches."

Colbert's target was the new program which permits international nationals to buy U.S. legal status for an investment of one million dollars, with a "platinum" option for five million. A government website promises processing "in record time."

"A brief note for you to wealthy foreigners: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, with large fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining approval ratings amid economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to address affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.